This writing update is part of the rubric “Musings of the Awakened Writing Soul”. The Musings document my journey into the creative realm where I (re)discover my writing powers, form and develop a distinct creative voice, and remind myself of the true meaning of writing and creativity. All of this, while proving that writing and creativity can be an integral part of an already dynamic life in today’s reality. The Musings are also for you – those on a similar creative journey who want to connect and feel like someone gets it; those full of self-doubt and not believing it is worth it; or simply those old souls who enjoy reading deep, reflective content while sipping a hot drink on a cozy Sunday afternoon. Let the Musings make you believe in yourself and in goodness a bit more, and give you wings to fly into the enchanting kingdom of creativity.
What you can expect to see in this update:
- How sometimes you must take a step back to make two steps forward
- Keeping creativity alive even when it’s drowning
- The general direction of my creative efforts
Introduction
Welcome to writing update #7 – after some months of ongoing creative uncertainty, I’m glad this update has made it through to prove that creativity can withstand and hold its ground in the wildest of storms. It sounds a little bit dramatic, doesn’t it? Brace yourself, I expect this update will be a little bit rawer and more honest than any of my previous ones. But all of this is necessary. It means I haven’t yet turned into a super-productive, well-fueled operational machine unit, devoid of deep emotional expression and coherent thoughts.
After I solidified my writing, as described in my last update, you’d have expected everything to flow smoothly with the bimonthly writing updates, book reviews, and the rest. Well, I wish it had been so. Yet life is under no obligation to give us what we wish for. Here we are after another hiatus, which, frankly speaking, threatened to be much longer had I not used my last remaining ounce of creative strength and courage to produce something. I simply wouldn’t have forgiven myself if all the desperate efforts made since the revival of the blog had been for nothing and I just abandoned all creative hope. But at the same time, I cannot deny my head is not in the creative game at all – it’s far from it, in fact.
You Have to Take the Fall Sometimes for Something Better to Exist
There have been some changes in my personal life during these months. And here the mind immediately starts singing the familiar Black Sabbath song “Changes” with that specific emotional voice of good old Ozzy. (If you know, you know). Some of these changes were triggered intentionally, they were overdue, and meant to lead to something better. Others were unexpected and uncalled for, but they couldn’t have been predicted or prevented. But here’s the thing with change – even if you look for it, or make it happen, or resist it, in the end, it always comes with adjustment and efforts spent to adapt and make space for something new. I don’t want to divulge too much; it’s not relevant here. Long story short, after 5 years of steadfastness, I changed jobs for something in the same field of expertise, but which promises to give me more breathing room and healthier air. I firmly believe that changing jobs is the most normal thing ever, especially nowadays, when you need to stay on top of things and loyalty often leads nowhere or is simply irrelevant and outdated. A job change is not something that should come with so much hassle. But apparently, it doesn’t always happen like this, and sometimes the leaving part can get messy and unpleasant.
In any case, staying so long at my old job and the way I was used to operating there formed a part of me, a sort of identity, if you want, which was not easy to just waive off or put on pause. But it also couldn’t be sustained and just transplanted into my new role without adjustments. In the past months, a lot of my efforts went into this adaptation process, not just purely operationally within the new framework and environment, but also emotionally, to get a healthier outlook and move on. I’m not sharing this as a sort of sob story meant to evoke sympathy; this is still my writing and creativity-related update, and I want to draw a parallel here. At the same time, I want to paint the picture in which my creative endeavors have been trying to exist, and I’m sure that a lot of you have been, or even are continuously, in similar situations and settings.
Such is the current reality of our daily lives; we have a limited opportunity to let our imagination run free. It even becomes challenging to let thoughts form organically and coherently into sentences and meaningful expressions without having to force output. Oftentimes, our daily existence is all about utility, practicality, and operational continuity. You become conditioned for this, structurally constrained and left with merely maintenance energy, not some deep imaginative capabilities to flex in your last 2 remaining hours of the day. In such conditions, any little time you can devote, any remaining energy you can spare for creation and imaginative process is always a celebration and a feat. But it is usually also a compromise with something else.
Sometimes you need to take a step back to make two steps forward afterwards. I chose to give up the professional identity and rapport I had built for 5 years when it turned out to be unsustainable. I’m bearing all the consequences and unexpected emotional outcomes, accepting uncertainty and the unknown, for a healthier structure that will potentially support my vision about professional life and creativity. In a similar way, during a transition phase, you have to take the fall and accept that you may not be able to produce creative content. You won’t be magically swayed by imagination in the same way as if you had a structure facilitating it. Your head will not be in the creative realm. You won’t be able to force your way there. It may look desperate and grasping at straws. But the most important thing is that your vision remains that hope is there for something better and that this is a temporary stepping stone to a bigger and greater achievement.
Creating a Legitimate Place for Creativity when Your Life is All About Survival
The most relevant question during such a transition phase is how to keep the inner creative world alive when all you’re doing is pure maintenance and survival. Such a life structure or period does not naturally give a lot of creative stimulation; you cannot simply sit and do it. I have been pestering myself by trying to create a stable routine in such an environment for years. I failed so many times, and I even came to believe that I no longer had it in me to create anything meaningful, nor could I conjure up something out of pure discipline. In reality, different environments call for different measures; you must adapt, but you need to do it in a way that your mind will not resist.
You have to build something small, non-restrictive, and not rigid but recurring. A weekly ritual on a Sunday afternoon, protected mental territory designed just for creation, little fragments of imagination here and there, anything counts. It’s all about sustaining some creativity in your life when life is anything but creative-related. You need to allow yourself to create without full clarity about relevance in the future, without the need for creativity to justify itself or lead to output, or be polished and coherent. The key is trying to stay in touch with this inner imaginative realm and making a sustained effort to create a legitimate, justified place for creativity in an otherwise hectic adult life driven by responsibility and practicality.
All of this sounds a bit abstract, but when you don’t have ideal creative conditions, you need to make do with what you do have. Meanwhile, you can slowly build more sustainable conditions and a life that is more attuned and wired for creative immersion. But this all happens slowly and with little steps. In my case, even though I wasn’t actively engaged with my creativity during these months, I cannot say that I was entirely out of the imaginative realm either. The creative spark is something you carry within you; it doesn’t simply disappear when things get hard.
I am, unfortunately, a (recovering) perfectionist and an all-or-nothing person. I had enough quiet, inspired moments even during this so-called creative hiatus. But because of my perfectionism, my mind couldn’t perceive any of these little moments as something worthy. When you have such great creative ambitions as I do – ones of creating worlds and timeless stories, of continuity, publication, and authorship – it is difficult to settle for mediocre journaling, occasional hobby scribbles, and random efforts here and there during stolen moments of slowness. After all, aren’t human minds made for imagination, rich inner worlds, aestheticism, and creation? Isn’t that what gives meaning to it all, and isn’t this what we are supposed to do?
The Means May Be Uncertain, but Creative Vision Should Never Die
Being rigid in declaring even the smallest shadows of creativity unworthy does not lead to sudden, intensive imaginative episodes later. You might be able to sit for 3 hours on a Sunday afternoon to write something, just like I did with this update, but it will be difficult. It might even feel so difficult that your brain literally hurts from the effort. The creative muscle is much like any other; it gets weak after long periods of disuse. If years pass and it is not utilized, it may never function properly again. So yes, jotting down a deep reflective thought after having watched an inspiring fantasy series counts. An hour spent in the library reading some 10 pages counts. Daydreaming about writing travelogues counts. Even just forming coherent thoughts and sharing them with others counts. All these actions matter, and over time, they unknowingly create a pattern and the right conditions for a slower, creative, and more intentional life, which is not just on autopilot.
It’s important to create the right life infrastructure for creativity, sure. Wouldn’t we all love a day or two with nothing else on our plates but enjoyment of a slow, reflective moment with a journal or a cozy time with a book in a cottage far away from everything, surrounded by nature? But it is not the only way creativity can exist. With the right vision, knowing what you want and being intentional about it, you can create good conditions even if they are not perfect, even in limited periods of time, even if you don’t have days in a cottage in the woods. I strongly believe my creative vision is still as strong and maybe even amplified the older and more conscious of it I become. But for now, I can just be content to voice it through random moments of beauty and inspiration.
What does this all mean for my creative efforts in practical terms? I might take it very slowly for the time being. The writing updates may be from time to time. I might want to focus more on reading and writing some book reviews occasionally. I am a slow reader after all (although it didn’t use to be like this). I still long to develop my voice with some travel memoirs, and I might give it a try for the sport. Or I might write some fiction notes in an empty Word document, never to be shared or seen by anyone. All in all, I want to give my creativity a breathing space to form, without rigid plans and structures, without deadlines or output schedules. I’m sure I will still be around, and who knows, maybe more “productive” than ever before, but for now, I need to be comfortable sitting with creative uncertainty.
Last Lines
To be very fair, this update was supposed to be more of a brief check-in, to show that I’m still around, that it’s not all forsaken. It really did take me 3 hours to write the first draft. I felt that weak creative muscle resisting against the heavy weight of creation. But it was worth it, even just to prove to myself I could pull it off. I also realize that I talked a little bit more generally about creativity, intentional living, restrictive daily routines, and so forth. When creativity carries so much meaning that you tie it to your whole identity and existence, then it becomes bigger than just writing fiction or blog posts or just being a hobbyist. So, I do not regret being a little bit more open and vocal about my vision of life, creativity, meaning, and contentment. I’d be happy to hear about your experiences with life, reality, and creativity. Feel free to share, even if a little bit personal; your thoughts and views are in a safe space.
Until next time,
D.D.N.
The Sunlight Writer 